While I have never been shy about expressing my beliefs and opinions, I have also never felt the need to advertise them. That’s why I surprised myself with my urge to buy and display my first lawn sign. It is pictured above.
I have been trying to figure out what changed for me.
I have always respected people’s right to believe differently than me. I am confident that I don’t know everything or have all the answers. Though, please don’t share that with my kids and clients ;).
That does not stop me from having strong convictions. It also doesn’t stop me from sharing or defending my point of view. In fact, I believe it is essential to my self-respect to stick to my own values by making them clear in appropriate contexts. At the same time, it is also critical to my self-respect that I do not preach my beliefs in a way that asserts that “I am right, and you are wrong.”
DBT emphasizes that we need to attend to our self-respect in interpersonal relationships in order for them to be healthy. One technique that DBT emphasizes is “sticking to your values.” In general, this skill suggests we need to behave consistently with our values, and we need to not agree with actions and opinions that oppose our values.
In the past, I have found that asserting my feelings on issues of social justice in the context of those conversations was sufficient to maintain my self-respect. Anyone who has had conversations with me about prejudices knows where I stand. Yet, lately, that has not felt like enough.
It no longer maintains my self-respect to state my beliefs to those who want to know. I now feel I need to promote my belief that people’s differences should be respected rather than used as a source of hate.
This need stems from another value that I adhere to. I believe that to stand by and allow people to promote hate is to be complicit in this hate. I value standing up for the end of hatred and prejudice rather than being complicit in its perpetuation. That need has become greater than my need to respect the right of others to different opinions.
That said, I can still validate the opinions of others on issues of prejudice…or at least I try. People form their opinions for a variety of reasons. Hate develops for a reason. While I cannot agree with these positions, I can work to validate why it makes sense to arrive at them. It is in doing so that I have the best opportunities to have my own beliefs truly heard.
I doubt that my lawn sign will have some great impact. Yet, I know I feel a sense of hope and mutual purpose when I see similar signs as I drive by. The message of acceptance is far too important to me to not state it more widely.
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