You have to love getting stuck behind a school bus. I love kids as much as anyone, but the endless stops can make my skin crawl. If I hit one of the main roads near my house at the wrong time in the morning, I am in for at least ten minutes of stop and go. I swear the bus stops every few feet and I get more impatient with every stop.
Then there are my more mindful days when I enjoy watching the kids get on the bus and waving to those in the back seat staring at me. It was on one of those mornings, when I wasn’t in a rush, that I had a good chuckle watching two siblings arrive late to the bus stop.
The first got out of the car and quickly ran to the bus. Clearly, he did not want to keep anyone waiting. The other had a very different approach. She seemed to be in no hurry as she slowly exited her car and strolled towards the bus. I have no idea whether it didn’t occur to her that people were waiting, or whether she realized and didn’t mind. Regardless, the visual of their different approaches had me laughing.
It also left me thinking.
I have always been more similar to the boy rushing to the bus. I don’t like to keep people waiting and it makes me feel very uncomfortable to feel like I am in their way. I am fairly likely to drop money at the check-out line because I am rushing to pay and move on before the person behind me gets annoyed. I have also been known to apologize to the person behind me when counting the correct change slows me down.
I am a bit envious of the girl who appeared to have not a care in the world as she took her time getting to the bus. I realize I don’t actually know what she was thinking, but I choose to believe she was more mindful of her own needs than those of the waiting driver and bus passengers. I also hope she was enjoying not feeling rushed. In the end, the extra minute would have no great impact on those of us waiting, but it could have a huge impact on maintaining her own sense of calm and self-respect.
Rushing around all the time can signal a need for better organization, but it can also be a sign that we are taking the needs of others more seriously than our own. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I am entitled to take as long as I need…within reason.
So, what is within reason? I honestly can’t answer that. However, I do think it is important to give equal attention to respecting our own needs and respecting the time of others.
As a DBT therapist, I often discuss the need to attend to both our own objectives and those of others. Balancing them improves our relationships and our self-respect. Regularly ignoring our objectives or those of others diminishes our relationships and self-respect.
The extent to which we rush in order to satisfy others is one example. Always rushing to avoid inconveniencing others sends the message that our needs aren’t worthy of taking up time. Similarly, always taking our time at the expense of others suggests that we don’t respect their needs.
I might need to share this thought process with my son. He is the kid who takes his time getting organized when I drop him off at school or practice. He seems oblivious to the line of cars behind us, while I am probably overly sensitive to it. We need to work on a middle ground! Until then, consider this my apology to the truly rushed people waiting behind us 😉
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