Most of us have heard the saying “When you fall off the horse, you have to get back on.” It speaks to the idea that when something goes wrong, your best bet is to try again quickly so that you don’t develop a fear.
In my family, the phrase has a very literal relevance. As many of you know from my posts, my daughter is a horseback rider. Falling off is part of learning and she has learned quite a bit. That said, she recently had a pretty scary fall that involved the emergency room and a mild concussion. Could have been much worse, but it was definitely scary for all involved.
The hardest part of the experience for me has been knowing how hard to push her back onto that horse!
I should back up and say that I, too, rode horses as a young girl. That came to an abrupt end when I took a fall on a trail ride with my dad and both of the horses ran off. I was too sore to get back on once we hiked back to the barn. That fear took root and I never returned to riding.
Come to think of it, the same was true after a fall off my bike. Thirty stitches later, I stayed away for 15 years. I still feel uncomfortable with bikes.
My daughter has always been more willing to take on a challenge with a horse than I ever was. She also said after her fall that she was not afraid to get back on. The Dr. told her to listen to her body because if she took another fall, she could do more damage. He is right. Yet, “listen to your body” is hard advice for an adult, let alone a 13-year-old.
My daughter rested the next day and by the second day after the fall was reporting minimal soreness and a minor headache. Yet, when it came time for her team lesson, she stated she wasn’t ready. Hmmm…
I explained that if she skipped the lesson, she wouldn’t be able to compete in her first team show that weekend. She had been so excited for it. She continued to believe she wasn’t ready and was willing to miss riding in the show.
I was really struggling with how hard to push. Was her fear getting in her way? If so, would postponing keep her from something she loves indefinitely? Alternatively, was she showing good insight into her own needs. One of the many times I wished I had a crystal ball!
Unfortunately, one did not appear! Instead, I had to remind myself that this needed to be her decision, especially since the consequences were hers alone.
I am far too much of a mama bear to completely pull myself out of the decision-making process. I tried to help her identify the pros and cons of joining the lesson and of taking more time off. I would love to say that I kept my opinions to myself, but…
In the end, she remained strong in her convictions. She attended both the lesson and the show, but, did not ride.
Much to my relief, she decided she was ready when her next lesson rolled around. She acknowledged some anxiety, but she didn’t waiver in her plan. I think I held my breath through the whole lesson.
She dismounted with a huge smile on her face. Turns out, she did know what she needed!
Both of my kids have made their fair share of good and bad decisions. I am learning that, the best decision for me is to allow them to develop trust in their own instincts. They can then make mindful decisions that combine their instincts with consideration of the pros and cons.
Unfortunately, that involves some mistakes and a lot of worry on my part. I am hoping those are a fair trade.
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