Just about every situation has positives and negatives. I try to be fully in the moment for those positives and not be distracted by the downside. This is definitely a work in progress.
I think I succeeded pretty well this past weekend. My son and I spent 3 days at a swim meet. Those three-day meets are exhausting with long hours and have the potential for emotional ups and downs. However, my favorite part is the time I spend engaged with my son in something very meaningful to him. I feel very thankful that he wants me to be a part of it.
I can also feel very guilty that, on those weekends, I neglect a lot of other responsibilities. I can ruin my own enjoyment by allowing my mind to drift to things that aren’t getting done. This weekend, I feel like I was able to put those thoughts aside and stay in the moment. I felt good about that.
Unfortunately, the moment ended. I returned home to see all the laundry and cleaning that piled up.
I walked through my house and all I could see was what needed to be cleaned. Two phrases fought for attention in my head. “Cleanliness is next to godliness” yelled one voice, while the other shouted back “show me a clean house and I will show you a wasted life.”
In my tired state, I became a little overly philosophical. So, I debated, which is it? Depending on my mood, I can rationalize support for either. At the end of the day, maybe it’s both. Maybe the key is to stop judging myself for either.
My husband thinks I enjoy cleaning. He often compares me to the character Monica on Friends. The truth is that I hate cleaning. I do, however, love the satisfaction of seeing something clean. It feels like an accomplishment. It somehow symbolizes that I have my life together. The reality of that is debatable, but feeling like I do is half the battle! When my environment is in order, I feel like I can take on whatever comes next.
Truth be told, I also clean to avoid judgement. I am afraid people will see something dirty and think I am gross. They will think I can’t manage my own home, or that I am lazy. I am the first person to say our actions shouldn’t be motivated by others’ opinions. No matter what you do, someone will approve and someone will condemn. Despite my belief, I succumb to the pressure to try. This might be when a clean house is a symbol of a wasted life!
In the end, when I am cleaning instead of doing something I truly value, just because of some unspoken rule, I think it is time to stop. That sense of having my life in order and being able to manage what is thrown my way is important. Whether it is derived from cleaning, or not cleaning so I can do something else that evokes that feeling, it is a sense of mastery that will drive my decision.
Either way, I will continue to allow moments with my family to overshadow my need for a clean house! Of course, I am only sitting down to write this after cleaning the kitchen and doing some laundry. I will vacuum later…or not.
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