Last night I toasted in 2020 with my family. I am not typically much of a New Years Eve enthusiast. While I love the excuse to celebrate, this holiday has always seemed a bit anti-climactic to me. I have to confess, it is also a bit of a challenge for me to stay awake!
This year, however, my more sentimental side has taken over with the dawning of a new decade. Wow, that even sounds like a big deal. This New Year countdown found me very nostalgic for the past and a bit anxious for the next stage to come.
Much of the nostalgia stems from looking at how much my children have grown and changed in the last ten years. My husband and I, however, have managed to stay eternally young 😉
I have found myself walking through my house and studying the pictures of our family over the years. Where has the time gone? Gone are the chubby cheeked toddlers and so many wonderful memories of their childhood. Admittedly, there are also some stages I am glad to see gone!
I feel like I blinked and there are now two teenagers in front of me. This feeling was driven home when I asked my son how he felt about 2020. I think I will always remember him turning to me and saying “2020 marks the end of the decade of my childhood.” Talk about feeling like you just got punched in the stomach! Having turned 16 less than a week ago, the sentiment may be a bit over-stated. At the same time, it certainly rings true to how I am feeling.
I can honestly say that I feel I have been very present in the last ten years. That belief does not seem to be easing the ache of loss for the stages that have passed.
That ache is joined by a sense of anxiety for the changes 2020 and the next decade will bring. As I wrote in “Change Involves Loss and Gain,” change is difficult for me. I see a lot of it occurring in the next decade.
In the near future my daughter will begin high school and my son will be driving. I feel anxious that high school may change the currently good relationship my daughter and I have. After all, my professional life has exposed me to the worst of what the teen years can bring. As for driving, I am looking forward to the decrease in my driving responsibilities, but I am sad to lose the hours of quality time talking to my son on the way to and from swim practice.
Don’t even get me started on the fact that this decade will bring both my kids out of the house and into their own adulthood!
As I have pointed out, focusing too much on the loss associated with change can overwhelm our excitement for the potential gains that change can bring. I am working to balance allowing myself to feel sad for some of the loss, while remaining excited for the gains that 2020 may bring.
Perhaps most importantly, I am trying to stay mindful of today and this moment. Once again, I remind myself of what I explain to clients. Allowing our thoughts to stay too focused on the past is typically associated with an increase in depression, while an abundance of future thinking is associated with increased anxiety. Mindfulness of the present moment allows us to fully experience the pleasure of here and now.
At the present moment, my whole family is under one roof. We are relaxing in front of a fire and enjoying a rare day of minimal obligations. I will enter 2020 mindful of the peace that brings me. It is my hope to carry that sense of peace forward to whatever the year will bring.
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