My kids giving me an unprompted hug.
Laughing at an inside joke with my husband.
My dogs greeting me at the door with enough excitement to suggest I am the best thing in their world.
A warm chocolate chip cookie.
The sensation of the sun warming my skin.
Snuggling into bed after a long day.
Beautiful sunrises and sunsets.
Sharing a laugh with a stranger in a store.
I could continue this list for a while, but I may bore the tears out of you. Yet, I do sometimes write this list in its longer form.
While these items are somewhat random, their common thread is that they give me great pleasure when I stop and appreciate them.
I will acknowledge that there are times when it is easy to get lost in what is hard, stressful and upsetting in our lives. I think we all have days, and sometimes months or years, when it feels like the world is out to get us.
At times like these it is easy to get lost in only noticing the negative.
DBT teaches that one way to reduce our vulnerability to the unpleasant emotions that come in difficult times is to be mindful of small pleasures. Big pleasures work too! They do not fix the negative things we may be experiencing. Yet, they provide a balance to keep us from getting lost in sadness, stress and anger.
Most of us, however, tend to overlook the power of even small pleasures. Many of the things on my list happen every day. Yet their “healing power” is diminished when I don’t stop and pay attention to them.
As I write this, my television is scrolling through family photos in the background. Given that no one in my family remembers to turn the TV completely off, that is a continuous process. I walk by it all the time. Yet, sometimes, I stop what I am doing and give myself a minute to smile at the memory captured on screen. I let the simple pleasure sink in.
That said, there are also times when I see those pictures and think “why doesn’t anyone turn the TV off,” or “those pictures are so outdated, I really need to figure out how to add new ones.” These types of thoughts take away from my pleasure.
Worry thoughts are one of the most common ways we decrease the effectiveness of simple pleasures. Instead of focusing on the sensation of a hot shower, we worry about the next thing we need to do. Instead of stopping to absorb a hug, our thoughts are on the reminder we meant to give the person. The list goes on.
Another common way we overpower our pleasures is to feel guilty for them. “I should be doing something else,” or “I don’t deserve this.” Allowing these thoughts to take us away from enjoying the moment is not effective in building our resiliency to all the day may bring.
Regardless of how we attend to them, the simple pleasures do not always have the same impact as the stressors. They don’t have to.
The past few weeks have not been the easiest for me (or the toughest). I have been sick, had a leak in my house, had a fender bender, spilled a gallon of paint on my wood floors and many other not-so pleasurable life moments. Noticing simple pleasures does not erase that stress. It does, however, buffer their impact and keep me smiling…after a few screams of frustration!
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