As the kids begin their summer vacation, I have found myself struck by the idea that I need to make this a memorable summer. I recently saw an Instagram post reminding me that we only have 18 summers with each child before they likely go off into the world. Yikes! I have a 15-year-old and a 12-year-old, so that clock is ticking!
I find myself worried that my kids will be bored with not enough structure. I feel guilty that I still have to go to work. I feel guilty when I look at Facebook and see too many posts about the amazing adventures and trips that some people are having. None of this is conducive to the “happy, care-free” summer I am telling myself we need to have.
So, while my kids are currently occupying themselves, I am thinking about how to stop this spiral of pressure I am feeling. Largely because I am aware that I am the one creating it! My kids haven’t expressed any of this.
The first thought that comes to mind is one of my favorite DBT skills which is referred to as “one thing in the moment.” As is inferred by its label, the skill reminds us to break things down and focus on one moment at a time.
I have a huge tendency to get ahead of myself and worry about things too far in the future. In case you are wondering, an excess of future thinking is noted by psychologists to cause anxiety! While I need to give some thought to the entire summer, my focus needs to be one day at a time.
My evidence shows me that I often start off summer with worries about how to make sure everyone has a good summer, yet, all of the past summers have worked out fine. That is to say there have been some great days and some that were filled with too much television. Overall, my kids have never complained. If I continue to take it one day at a time, it is likely that this summer will work out just as well.
As I am writing, I am recognizing that I need to adjust my thought that it is my responsibility to make sure everyone is happy. As I wrote about in “Crankiness in Paradise,” we cannot take responsibility for everyone else’s emotions. Similarly, I cannot take responsibility for everyone else’s summer. Every member of my family needs to share that responsibility. One of the best things I can do to promote a “happy and relaxed” summer is to take responsibility for my own happiness and relaxation!
Of course, easier said than done. We spend our summers getting up at 5 for swim practice, figuring out rides for kids so they aren’t bored while we are at work and trying to find time to just sit on the beach. Relaxation, though, is not just about schedules. It is about attitude and our thoughts about the schedules. I cannot always control the scheduling demands, but I can work to control my attitude…. I hope.
Finally, there is the “great memory making challenge,” as I like to call it. We will undoubtedly have some days with trips to New York, amusement parks and a family vacation. They will make for wonderful memories. However, when I think of my own childhood, I realize that it is often not these “grand plans” that result in lasting memories. Rather, it is mindfulness of the smaller moments and simple pleasures that happen without planning. It is also being less attached to what keeps those moments from being “picture perfect.” The unplanned decision to have ice-cream for dinner is always a favorite, even if there is a disagreement over where to get that ice-cream.
I hope we can all have a less pressured summer and hold onto those simple pleasures. I would love to hear about yours.
