While I am in a constant battle to limit the amount of time my kids spend watching TV, I have to admit that family TV time is one of my favorite ways to relax. A recently watched episode of “Supergirl” resulted in a great conversation about emotions that has really been stuck in my head. I have even referenced it with a few clients. I am sure they all appreciate knowing I learn my therapeutic style through “Supergirl!”
In the episode, a character from another planet is experiencing strong emotions for the first time. He asks what he is supposed to do with all those emotions when there is work to be done. A question many of us ask.
The response came from the character Lana Luther. She explained that we all have a collection of little boxes. When we need to get things done, we should put our emotions in one of those boxes, seal it up, and put it away.
My son asked what I thought of this suggestion.
I wasn’t sure at first. I definitely didn’t like the way it sounded. At the same time, there is some truth to it. Many people wouldn’t get anything done if they allowed their emotions to take over. At the same time, I am fairly certain that no therapist would suggest that the answer to emotion regulation is to “stuff them down.”
We have all been in the middle of our day when something triggers us to be upset. We’ve also woken up feeling sad, anxious, or angry. We often can’t sit around flooded by those emotions. There are certainly times when it is okay to take a “mental health day,” but there are also times when we need to compartmentalize those emotions. In other words, put them in boxes.
In thinking about that, my answer to my son’s question was that I thought there was a missing piece to the advice. What are you supposed to do with all those boxes?
I think a lot of people believe those boxes get stuffed to the back of the closet. That’s where I think we get into trouble. If you consider a literal closet, there is only so long we can push those boxes to the back. First, we start to lose things. Then, as every sitcom has shown us, we eventually open the overstuffed closet and all the boxes crash down on our heads.
The same is true with “emotional boxes.” They can’t indefinitely be stuffed to the back of the closet. We might forget about the boxes, but they are still there and still having an impact on us emotionally and physically. Eventually, they will all crash down on us. Because we never dealt with the individual boxes (emotions), the combined effect of all of them will overwhelm our abilities to tolerate and regulate them.
A more effective approach is to put those emotions in boxes when it is not effective to be overwhelmed by them. However, don’t stuff those boxes to the back of the closet. Make sure you set aside time to take out the boxes and process what is in them. It may be uncomfortable, but that short-term discomfort will spare you much greater discomfort in the long run.
I guess I have “Supergirl” to thank for a great conversation with my kids. Soon we will have to tackle the message from “Vampire Diaries” that we can just turn off our emotions all together!
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