My kids and I were discussing some activity possibilities for the week when I remembered our experience at a high ropes course last summer. It was a nice reminder of pushing myself out of my comfort zone.
I took my kids and a few friends to a ropes and zip-lining course for the first time. After a ninety-minute drive, we were told it was approximately a two hour wait. Ugh! I had no intention of driving back, and the kids wanted to stay. Waiting it was!
We spent the time watching everyone on the course and watching the attendants fasten harnesses. Luckily, the wait was somewhat shorter than predicted. Less fortunately, with all this wait time, my anxiety was climbing. Somehow, in my determination to plan a fun day, I had forgotten that I am afraid of heights!
Despite my anxiety, I spent the time encouraging myself. I could do this! I looked at the wide span of ages on the course and reminded myself that “if a little kid could handle this, surely I could.” I studied the harness set-up. There really didn’t seem to be a way to fall more than a few inches and the attendants appeared very careful. I reminded myself, just one step at a time.
We finally made it to the front of the line and my kids quickly climbed to the top level of the course. I made it up all the stairs and to the first platform. Then it was time to step on to the first rope challenge. My heart started racing and I began to shake. I really tried to take that first step out. It wasn’t happening!
There was a crowd forming behind me. The platforms between ropes challenges were tiny and people needed to get by. Didn’t they understand I was panicking? I have to be honest. I was debating getting down and sitting for the next few hours while the kids had fun. However, I am also stubborn and the idea of giving up after all that time and not-so-small-fee, annoyed me.
I looked over and saw that my son and his friend were far gone. My daughter, however, was struggling as well. She made her way over to me. She was upset because she didn’t think she could do it either. There’s nothing like your child’s distress to snap you out of panic.
It occurred to me that I was going about this all wrong. It did not need to be as black and white as stay at the top or climb all the way down. There were options lower down.
When I work with anxious clients, I always explain the concept of a fear hierarchy. Anxiety typically results in the urge to avoid whatever scares us. Unfortunately, giving into the urge reduces fear in the present moment, but it actually prolongs and even increases fear in the long-term. If it is a fear you want to permanently reduce, you have to confront it. However, a staged approach is far more approachable.
In the case of the ropes course, my daughter and I could start on the lowest level where our anxiety was minimal. We decided to stick together and do just that. I have to say, I think she may have been more of a support for me than the other way around.
We spent time on each level until our anxiety decreased. Then we moved up to the next level and followed the same strategy. It was a slower process, but it eventually got us up to the top without the panic. The anxiety went up again at the zip line, but this time, I had the evidence that I could get through it. I jumped, I zipped, I landed, and it was awesome! My daughter loved it too.
In case you can’t tell, I was pretty proud of us. The reality is that while the hours on the ropes course were fun, the bigger picture issue was pushing myself out of my comfort zone and modeling that for my daughter. I tend to be very content there much of the time, but I am often far happier when I try something new or take a next step.
Often, we stay in our comfort zone because the alternatives are scary. Staying put eliminates that fear short-term. However, just as with the ropes course, we don’t have to think in extreme terms. There is always a way to break things down into steps and move slowly until each step feels less scary.
I plan to keep trying new things with this approach. I hope you will join me and comment with some of your attempts!
