I recently wrote a post for Psychology Today explaining some of the distorted thought patterns that underlie back-to-school anxiety (“How Can I Help With back To School Anxiety”). In doing so, I reflected on the two nightmares that plagued my nights leading up to my first day of school each year. I don’t remember when they started, but I know they lasted through high school.
The first dream had a wonderful storyline wherein I would show up to school on the first day and realize I was standing among my classmates completely naked. I would feel humiliated even after I woke up. The other dream induced panic. I would realize that all my finals were that day and I had forgotten to attend class all year.
I do not miss those dreams!
Surprisingly, I have found that my back-to-school anxiety still exists. The difference is I feel anxious for my kids and the return to the overly-structured schedule of the school year. I worry about their concerns and whether they will occur. I feel sad to give up slower mornings and extra time together.
I have come to realize that I am not a fan of transitions. Especially when things are going well as-is.
I have been having a chat with myself about that. Talking to myself is not an infrequent occurrence. My lips may not be moving, but there is often a full-blown conversation going on in my head. I heard recently that talking to yourself is a sign of intelligence and emotional-well-being. I don’t know if it is true, but I am going with it for now!
My conversations with myself often involve asking the psychologist part what she would say to me right now. As a funny meme reminded me, “being a psychologist doesn’t mean you have all your shit together. It just means you are aware of your shit and are dealing with it the best you can.” So true!
My conversation has reminded me of a few things. First, I need to be mindful not just of the drawbacks and anxieties, but, also of the benefits. I will have a little more time to myself. I won’t feel guilty getting things done while my kids want to “do something fun,” I won’t worry about them spending too much time on screens and I won’t worry what they are up to while I am at work. These positives don’t negate my anxieties or sadness. They simply balance them out.
I am also reminding myself to avoid one of the distorted thinking styles that underlies back-to-school anxiety…emotional reasoning. This distortion involves accepting emotions as fact. Suddenly, “I am worried about ____ occurring” becomes evidence that it will, in fact, occur. Anxiety does not actually represent an increased likelihood of something going wrong. While I may not be able to stop my anxiety about some of my kids’ fears, I can decrease it by reminding myself not to mistake their anxiety (or mine) for evidence of increased likelihood.
Finally, my therapist side has reminded me to focus on one thing in the moment. Looking at the entire academic year to come feels overwhelming. Focusing on just one step at a time does not.
Whether I am referring to back-to-school emotions, or any other life transition, following my own advice makes it more manageable. Though I doubt I will ever be a big fan of transitions!
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