It seems to me that every year I hear that “the flu season is even worse this year.” This time around, it landed at our house.
My 16-year-old son started complaining of a sore throat last Wednesday, but said he was absolutely well enough to attend school on his first day of midterms. He had no fever, so off he went. I knew we were in trouble though when he said he didn’t think he could handle swim practice. I was relieved that he was using good sense, but him admitting he wasn’t up for practice is like most kids saying they want to skip television and dessert.
The next morning, I heard him shower and get dressed and thought “phew.” Then I saw him. He looked ready to cry as he said “I can’t miss school. I have midterms and swim practice and drivers ed.” The thermometer said he was out of luck and the Dr. confirmed he was positive for flu. No school or activities for at least 4 days.
My heart went out to him as I could see both resignation and anxiety in his face. He clearly felt like crap and was relieved to be ordered to lie down. At the same time, he was experiencing a common thought process of “I CAN’T miss all my obligations, or I will never recover.”
He proceeded to explain the difficulty in making up 4 midterms and finding time to reschedule the missed driver’s ed. Moreover, he has been working hard in the pool towards making some championship time cuts. His last opportunity to make them for this season is in two weeks and he is sure that 5 days out of the pool will ruin his season’s work. He wasn’t entirely wrong about any of his concerns.
I have so been there. Yet, watching him go through it gave me so much better perspective than when I am experiencing it.
First, I was highly amused by an unintentional reminder from my daughter that how we think about a situation determines our emotional reaction. My daughter’s reaction to the idea of missing responsibilities was “you’re so lucky.” A pretty common reaction. Had she been the one with the flu, there would have been no anxiety. Fingers crossed that I don’t have the opportunity to test that theory.
I was also reminded that our emotions are magnified when we are experiencing illness or physical discomfort. I explain this to clients all the time. Think about your own emotional state when you have a cold, or a headache. When we are physically compromised, we respond to events with much more intensity. The emotions aren’t necessarily different, just amplified. This was the case with my son’s anxiety.
Finally, many of us (yes, me) are plagued by the thought that the world will come to an end if we miss our obligations. It goes without saying that this thought is distorted by catastrophic and black and white thinking. Yet, we can believe it entirely. There is no doubt that making things up is difficult and stressful, but not impossible.
One week after the flu began, my son is back to school. His teachers were very accommodating, and he has made up all his midterms. Granted, I wouldn’t wish 4 midterms on anyone still recovering their strength. Driver’s ed has also been rescheduled and he is back in the pool. As for the next meet, time will tell.
We all need to remember that unplanned time out is stressful. At the same time, it always needs to be an option.
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