My stepmom has always had the most beautiful gardens, though she has outdone herself with the ones in her current home. I love her gardens so much that I have pictures of them in full bloom hanging in my bedroom. While she makes it look easy, her gardens involve a lot of work planning, maintaining, and building. There is nothing easy about it. We all say she is in her happy place when out watering, but I have no doubt there are times she would like to take a nap and have them bloom on their own.
I spend hours admiring her flowers both outside and in vases throughout the house. I, however, do not have a green thumb. I also do not have the patience and work ethic she has when it comes to working in the heat and dirt! I am okay with that and it makes me appreciate her gardens that much more.
Recently, I have been noticing more and more wildflowers growing. I am sure they have always been around, but I have become particularly aware of them and their beauty. I even stopped to capture the ones photographed above. I was struck by how something so beautiful could grow without plan and constant tending.
As my kids have become teenagers and my own life has strayed from the path I imagined, I have become increasingly aware of the need to let go of my need to feel in control of my environment.
I have definitely referred to myself as a “control freak” before. I like to have a plan for everything. Moreover, I get anxious when I don’t have one. So many of us are driven by the anxious thought that without a plan and control, we won’t be able to handle life.
I still believe plans are a great thing. I plan trips, I plan for retirement, I plan what order to do my errands in, so I am most efficient. Just like my stepmom’s gardens flourish with her planning and tending, I believe many parts of my life are wonderful because of my mindful planning.
At the same time, I am finding that I don’t need to be in control of everything for it to turn out beautifully.
I have come to appreciate days with planned activities interspersed with days that have no plan at all. I used to feel undone by that uncertainty.
I have learned that when my carefully laid out plans go up in smoke, it doesn’t mean there will be a negative outcome. Afterall, my careful plan of when to have children was replaced with defending my dissertation 8 months pregnant and teaching with my second baby in my arms. It wasn’t what I had planned, but it turned out great!
Being a mom is a constant test of what I can control and what I can’t. Often my children remind me that they can grow beautifully without me controlling their environment. Of course, there are other times when those gardens need way more maintenance!
This year has erased many of my remaining beliefs that things need to go as planned. Yet, I am truly enjoying the wildflowers that have grown.
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