This time last year I spent a few weeks feeling very sad and anxious. I am talking about “sitting in my closet crying” type of sad and anxious.
There was nothing particularly upsetting going on in my life. I think I simply had the perfect storm of being exhausted from the holiday run around and the side effects of a new medication for my Ulcerative Colitis/ Crohns disease. Whatever the cause, I was pretty miserable.
So, what does a psychologist do when she is feeling overwhelmed by sadness and anxiety?
One of the skills I found most helpful was to validate myself. As I said, my life looked good on paper with no particular reason to feel the way I did. I tried to tell myself I was allowed to feel sad and anxious anyway. I know that trying to tell yourself that your feelings aren’t reasonable has the unintended effect of making them stronger.
All too often I hear clients and their loved ones say things along the lines of “You have no reason to feel that way.” As it turns out, there is always a reason. Even if it isn’t obvious to you, or those around you. You don’t need to justify your feelings to yourself, or anyone else. While it is helpful to maintain some perspective when life is not actually throwing you any huge curveballs, it is not helpful to tell yourself you aren’t entitled to feel what you feel.
That said, not knowing the source of the feelings makes it difficult to know what to do about them. I focused a lot on distress tolerance skills. In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), these are sometimes referred to as band-aid skills. They help you get through unpleasant feelings in the short run without doing anything that makes life more difficult in the long run. They are not intended to “fix” anything.
For those of you who join me in my love of “The Big Bang Theory,” you have heard Sheldon’s mom remind us all that when someone is upset, you offer them a hot beverage. Apparently, Mrs. Cooper is familiar with the DBT skills of soothing the senses! I find coffee, tea and hot chocolate incredibly soothing to my senses of taste, touch and smell.
I would never claim that a hot beverage is the answer to someone’s problems. It did, however, help me get through some tough days. When I could push other thoughts aside and just focus on this soothing act for a few minutes, I was able to keep moving through my day. The only negative side effect was the increase in trips to the bathroom!
There are so many DBT skills I rely on during tough times. These are just the first two that come to mind when I remember last January. Consider these two a hint of more to come.
