Sunday afternoon I was sitting on my couch, computer open and staring at my phone when a text popped up. It was from a teenaged client struggling with anxiety. She wrote something to the effect of “how do I make myself do my homework? I know I need to, but I am just too lazy.”
Part of me wanted to laugh since the reason I was staring at my phone was that I too was procrastinating. I wanted to be working on a Psychology Today article I was in the middle of writing, but I couldn’t quite motivate myself to open the damn document. My phone was much easier.
I don’t think there is a person out there who hasn’t found themselves procrastinating at some point. Some of us more than others. I am a particular fan of what I have termed “productive procrastination.” That is when I do something productive like organizing my linen closet instead of doing the more pressing, time-sensitive task I am avoiding. I rationalize that the productive task needs to be done, but the truth is, that it really doesn’t.
Procrastination is not an easy habit to break. Calling yourself lazy actually makes it harder to break. In general, insulting ourselves reduces our motivation rather than increasing it. In the case of procrastination, it is also an inaccurate insult. Procrastination is rarely a problem of laziness. It is actually a difficulty with emotion regulation.
We put things off because it is difficult for us to tolerate a feeling that the activity brings up for us. In my case and my client’s, we were procrastinating in order to avoid the anxiety evoked by what we needed to do.
In my client’s case, she is a high-achieving student who has fallen behind while she struggles with panic attacks. Doing the homework, she is very capable of raises her anxiety in the short-term because she is confronted with the knowledge that she is behind.
My procrastination was fueled by the anxiety I feel when I don’t know exactly what I want to write. I hate staring at a page when I am stuck! It makes me anxious and a bit insecure about the possibility of failure. Writing is fun for me, but uncertainty is not!
Procrastination isn’t a personality flaw or a time-management issue, but a way of coping with challenging emotions and negative moods induced by certain tasks — boredom, anxiety, insecurity, frustration, resentment, self-doubt and beyond. We procrastinate because our short-term need for mood repair outweighs our longer-term need to complete the task.
I will openly admit that I have not found a cure for this behavior, as is evidenced by my recent procrastination. However, I do find a few approaches helpful.
- I try to be mindful of what emotion I am avoiding instead of what task I am avoiding. In that way, I can work on soothing the emotion instead of insulting myself.
- I remind myself of the fact that avoidance reduces the emotion in the short-term, but only increases it in the long term. That encourages me to confront the activity with the knowledge that I am saving myself from longer-term discomfort.
- I am a huge fan of setting up small rewards for myself as motivation. I plan a fun activity for when I am finished, and I often reward smaller steps on the way to completion with a chocolate break.
- Most importantly, I set smaller goals to allow a feeling of success. We are much more motivated to continue when we feel we have accomplished something. For example, I encouraged my client to set a goal of completing one math problem instead of telling herself she had to completely catch up. She knew she could do that and could, therefore, avoid the anxiety without avoiding the task completely.
I know I will continue to procrastinate at times, but I also know I am not lazy. In fact, sometimes our desire to procrastinate is just a sign that we are avoiding exhaustion and we really need a break. In fairness, there is also often something else that is more fun to do!
On a positive note, I finished my article! Feel free to check it out (How Can I help My Teen Manage Their Strong Emotions?)
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