When my grandparents were married for fifteen years, my grandfather celebrated the anniversary with an “upgrade” on my grandmother’s engagement ring. This was long before I was born, but it was referred to in the family as her “fifteen-year stripes.” This fifteenth anniversary ring then became referred to as a family tradition. Though, I am not sure why, since my grandparents were the only ones who participated in this tradition.
The year of my husband’s and my 15thanniversary happened to also be the year of my fortieth birthday. My husband surprised me with a beautiful ring on my birthday to act as my fifteen-year stripes. He designed the ring with sapphire and diamond, as those are each our birthstones. They also happen to be my favorite stones.
The ring made me happy every time I saw it on my hand. Beyond finding it beautiful, I loved the thought that went into it and the joy my husband experienced in surprising me with it.
Five years later, my husband and I separated, and then, divorced.
One of the most common questions people asked me was “what are you going to do with the ring?” A lot of people assumed I would sell it.
The answer is, I still wear it and I still love it. I did, however, move it from my wedding finger to my right hand.
People have asked why I still wear it. I won’t lie that a part of the answer is that I still think it is a beautiful ring. However, more importantly, I still think it was a beautiful gift and it still represents a beautiful part of my life.
Often when a chapter of our lives ends, particularly a relationship, we feel the need to move on by forgetting about it. Many also feel very angry and hurt to an extent that overshadows the joy they once felt. Admittedly, some have very good reason to do so.
However, despite feelings of sadness and anger, I do not believe the end of my marriage needs to erase that beautiful chapter of my life.
My husband and I were together for 26 years and married for 20. We grew up together, and, in the last years, that growth took us away from each other. That does not mean I “wasted” 26 years of my life because they ended differently than I had hoped.
When I see my ring now, I don’t think about a divorce. I think about all the joy represented by our relationship. I remember falling in love, I remember his beautiful proposal, I remember our wedding. I remember first jobs, first homes and first pregnancies. Most importantly, I remember that our marriage gave me the family I always wanted and two children that I love beyond measure.
I fully understand why divorce leaves many far too hurt and angry to want a reminder. I feel lucky not to be in that position. As I often say to people, we have room for multiple emotions, and they are all valid.
I can be sad the marriage ended and still happy that it happened. That is what the ring symbolizes to me now.
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