You gotta love Mondays…or not!
In my mind, Mondays are the day for a fresh start. I assume I will start the day feeling refreshed from the weekend and ready to take on what the week ahead brings. In reality, more often than not, I roll down to the coffee machine feeling exhausted and wondering why. My phone is typically “blowing up” with unexpected responsibilities. Honestly, I often feel ready for a nap by 5:50am.
This Monday fell into the reality category. Unfortunately, it did for my daughter as well. She woke up tired and with a sore throat. Both of which were the likely result of a fun weekend. She had friends sleep over Saturday night, which certainly improved her weekend, but not her sleep. She also spent 7 hours working at the barn. It improved her mood and her confidence, but not her rest.
I am afraid these Monday mornings have become a bit of a pattern. It reminds me that when problems become a pattern for my clients, we typically go over the chain of events, thoughts and emotions that continually lead to the same result. Clearly, I need to do this here.
Some of the events can’t be helped. Others can be, but I am not about to eliminate the opportunity for fun. I definitely need to work on increasing sleep and rest for all of us. When I can’t accomplish this, I think my best bet is working one everyone’s ability to regulate their emotions. This includes me!
My daughter did a great job of getting herself up and ready for school. As the time to leave for the bus approached, however, things started to slip. I could almost see the thought “I don’t want to have to go to school” written on her sad face.
As I have written before in “Sometimes It’s Good to Call Mercy” and “Not Feelin It,” I struggle to find the balance between pushing through and taking a break. I don’t typically view being tired on a Monday from a weekend of fun choices to be the time to stay home. That said, I absolutely recognize wanting to stay home. I also recognize how hard it is to regulate our emotions when we are exhausted.
To me that means a big hug, maintaining my own composure and being sympathetic despite my daughters growing hostility. This was not the time for a lecture!
Unfortunately, the slowed pace created by my daughter’s reluctance led to her missing the bus. That’s when efforts to stay in control of our emotions got the better of both of us. She started to cry, and I started get frustrated. I wasn’t too upset about driving her to school. Rather, I was frustrated by her tears. I didn‘t yell in volume, but my tone reflected my growing frustration.
That’s when I realized I was getting upset because I was personalizing her distress. I noticed that I was assuming she was angry at me for making her go to school. This was the thought that was frustrating me, not her tears, or the extra time to drive to school. Recognizing this thought worked wonders in helping me regain control of my own emotions.
What helped even more was watching my daughter effectively regulate her own emotions. I honestly believe this is a huge accomplishment for anyone, but I was particularly tuned in to noticing it happen for her.
She had turned on the radio, but it wasn’t helping either of us. She turned it off and started to play music off her phone. It was a song she chose and that makes her happy. The tears stopped, and I could watch her relax a little. She smiled and leaned over for a hug.
Wow! The hug did it for me, but she had recognized something I often tell clients. Music can have an impressive power to help us regulate our emotions. When we are sad, or angry, we often play music consistent with that emotion. The effect is maintaining that same unpleasant feeling. However, putting on music we associate with being happy, or wanting to dance, has the opposite effect. It may not “fix” our mood completely, but it can go a long way in helping us decrease the intensity of those unpleasant feelings.
My daughter got out of the car and was okay. I hope her day got better. Regardless of what happens at school, I think she learned a lot today!
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