As the corona virus world continues to mimic the Twilight Zone, I am continuing to try and keep feelings of anxiety, sadness and anger from becoming overwhelming. I think it is appropriate to experience some level of these emotions. However, I don’t want them to overtake me.
As I explained in last week’s post, “Tolerating Our Distress,” sometimes we can’t change the situations causing our emotions. I assure you I would stop a pandemic if I could! Since I can’t, I can simply work to manage my reactions to it. The distraction strategies I shared have been helpful.
There is no doubt that the world is scary right now, but continually reminding myself of that is not effective. As I often say, I am also short, but I don’t walk around repeating that in my head all day.
Beyond distraction, I have also been focusing on skills that make the current moment better. DBT identifies distress tolerance skills that focus on making even negative moments feel more positive. Notice I said, “more positive,” though. The skills aren’t intended to make everything better.
One of the skills I really connect with is finding meaning. This DBT skill refers to a natural human need to find purpose. Finding meaning is not meant to make us think our distress isn’t painful. Instead it is meant to balance our perspective. We can find a greater purpose to the distressing event itself, or meaning in the related circumstances.
Personally, I do believe this pandemic has meaningful messages for us as a society. It has highlighted our need to appreciate things we often take for granted like our health and our ability to work. It highlights the reality that we need to worry about others and not just ourselves. In fact, worrying about others is more effective in keeping each of us safe than just worrying about our own happiness.
Reinforcing these messages will not take away the suffering that will occur, but it will give it meaning… if we are willing to see it.
On a more indirect level, I have found meaning in the circumstances this virus has necessitated. I am thankful for the opportunity to slow down. I often feel like I am running on empty and I now have some time to catch up. I even took a few naps!
More important to me, is the opportunity this has provided to spend time with my kids. This year, I have been all too aware of how limited my time is with them in the house.
We always had a family tradition of a big Sunday pancake brunch. In the past few years that tradition has been replaced by swim meets and horse shows. Those are both good things, but I have missed our tradition and, so have my kids. With the end of sports has come the return of the pancake breakfast!
I have no doubt I will get to a point of enough time with my kids. Yet, maybe that will be helpful too. Maybe I will feel a little less sad about them leaving the nest 😉
The meaning in this world event will be different for all of us. However, I promise it is there. It doesn’t mean we don’t all wish this never happened. However, it helps us from seeing only despair.
* If you want a great book recommendation on this topic, I have attached a link. Purchasing the book through this link sends a portion of the proceeds to support my blog.
