Thanksgiving is upon us again. Yet, for most of us, this year’s celebration will look a bit different. Last year, in my home, we hosted my family and my husband’s family for a gathering of 18 people. There were people like my sister who couldn’t be with us and we missed them, but we enjoyed having as many people together as we could. My kids, in particular, look forward to these bigger gatherings.
This year’s Thanksgiving will take place in the middle of a pandemic and in the middle of a divorce. It will look very different. Instead of missing a few people, we will be missing almost everyone. We will be down from 18 people to three, me and my kids.
How easy it is to get stuck in thinking about what will be lost. It’s a lot. I am allowing myself to be sad about what has changed and what will be missed. Yet, as right as I would be to get stuck in this sadness, I am also making an active choice of gratitude.
It can sound incredibly patronizing to encourage ourselves and others to be grateful in a time of loss. To me, the discomfort comes from an either, or position. Either you are sad, or you are grateful. This either/or position is not necessary, and it is not effective. We are complicated beings capable of many emotions. The most effective thing we can do is make room for all of them.
For me, that means acknowledging my sadness andturning my mind to my gratitude. I won’t ignore either. I know that if I ignore my sadness, it is likely to come back stronger at another time. I also know I don’t want to be stuck in that spot. Turning my mind towards gratitude is most effective in my goal of having an enjoyable holiday for me and for my kids.
So, what is there to be grateful for this year?
I can start with my family’s health, employment and a home we enjoy. I will be honest though. These are hugely important and easy to overlook. There are smaller things that have more impact on me.
I am looking forward to not stressing about the responsibility for so many other people’s holiday experience. I will miss them tremendously, but I won’t miss the pressure I put on myself.
I am looking forward to not having to iron table linens. I love the beauty of a Thanksgiving table, but I hate ironing!
I am looking forward to not cooking or eating a turkey! I realize this is the highlight for many people. However, while I don’t mind preparing the bird for everyone, the reality is my kids and I don’t like turkey. Each year we fill our plates with the sides we love while others look at us curiously for skipping the turkey. Alternatively, we eat some turkey and regret not leaving more room for the sweet potatoes. Not this year! Our plates will be piled high with sweet potato casserole, stuffing and string bean casserole.
I will also look forward to trying something new. My son thinks it would be funny to replace the turkey with “Turkish delight.” We have a nerdy sense of humor in our family. I am looking forward to surprising him with Turkish delight on the Turkey Platter.
No doubt this Thanksgiving will not be traditional. I will miss many people. However, I can honestly say that I feel grateful for the relaxed day I will have with two of my favorite people.
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